Photo taken in Chongming island, on Sep 18, 2021
I was often asked by relatives, friends, parents, or teachers about how to get their kids to know what they want to do. It seems many adults worry about the next generation’s low motivation and lack of purpose. While the people in China become wealthier and the living standards become higher than ever, the concerns about the prosperity of the next generation grows even bigger. “I knew why I studied and worked so hard when I was young. I wanted to earn a better life. But my kids were born into a decent life. What would they do then?” Sounds familiar?
My friends asked me this type of question probably because I am an educator and a school principal. They thought perhaps I had some ready insight for this question. I actually did not. As a father who grapples with one teenage at home, I am often puzzled by the same question too. However, as an educator, I keep deliberating on this question and getting closer and closer to an answer to it.
My cousin with his wife and 10-year-old son visited me. The boy is a trouble at home and at school. He is extremely active, talkative and imaginative. I could almost feel the acute headache of his teacher for the teacher has to deal with the boy in the class. The boy told me he was almost a permanent guest in his teacher's office. He said he hated Chinese lessons, disliked English lessons because he didn't want to memorize English vocabulary. My cousin has no other choices besides merely frowning at this little one who seems to always jump on a spring.
After lunch, which was full of his funny speeches, the boy noticed a novel on my book shelf. He said he had read other two books of the sequential. The book on my shelf was the last one. He wanted to read it now. So did he. He was quiet in the next 30 minutes.
My cousin told me the boy loves reading and likes listening to stories. He often reads books before sleep, sometimes he forgot to sleep because of reading. He often listens to audio books in late evening too. He just loves imaginary and creative content, he has things in which he is interested and about which he is passionate. He needs to further develop the love and passion. With love and passion, he will be motivated and live a purposeful life. His successful life is not something that my cousin, me, and any other adult are able to imagine, worry, or design.
I gave the boy one suggestion before he left for home. "Would you consider to write down the interesting thoughts that you always want to share with others?" He responded that he loves to write "novels", although perhaps he doesn't truly know what constitute a novel yet. But this doesn't matter.
We three friends were having dinner. The 7-year-old daughter of one of the three accompanied us during the first half of the dinner before she was full. She asked her father what she should do the next. My friend said you could do anything you like. The girl said she wanted to dance.
She just likes dancing. My friend sends her to dancing classes every week. The girl said other academic tutoring classes were all stopped whereas the dancing classes that she loves remain. She looked very pleased about this result.
The girl began practicing dancing after she put a carpet on the floor. No one helped her to find and open the folded carpet. She then took his father's phone to play a video class of dance. It was ballet, she complained she never got to study ballet in formal classes. She had to teach herself. She seriously imitated what showed on the phone screen. Several activities looked quite good.
The three of us ate and chatted for over one hour or so. The girl practiced dancing (ballet) for one hour. I was amazed by her interest and strong motivate to improve dancing skills. She has her love and passion.
I believe learning and growing better is our human being's intrinsic conation. Every normal person wants to be good at and better at something. Every normal person will have a purpose for life. What parents and teachers should do is to assist a kid to discover the something that he or she truly loves. The process of this discovery is not an easy journey as the kid self is changing too. Regardless of difficulties, it is imperative for adults to do right things and say right words at right times in one kid's life so that he or she would feel being supported to pursue their dreams.
If a boy likes telling stories, let him tell or write.
If a girl likes dancing, let her dance.
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