top of page

How to develop self-confidence and influence people--A book review

EdTinker


I came across this book completely by accident. As a leader of a school, I find myself in more and more occasions when I have to stand up and speak in front of an audience, be it a group of students or a delegate of teachers or a room of parents or some guests visiting the school. In some circumstances, I would have time to prepare the speech, whereas in some other situations, I would have to improvise to speak.


The more times I stand and speak the more I realize I am not good at speaking publicly. Standing in front of a group of people is already intimating, let alone thinking and speaking logically and clearly. I still remember one incident happened when I was six years old. I had to say something to the whole class with forty something kids among whom I was a student as well. I cried as I spoke, I mean I really cried with tears because of both embarrassment and fear. Interestingly, I still remember the consciousness that I felt at that particular moment, the feeling and the image of that incident seems to be stuck in my memory forever—I was surprised by the fact that I was scared to cry just because I had to stand and speak in front of my classmates who were probably too young to pay attention to what I had to say.


Before I read this book, for some reason I had never intentionally studied methods and techniques of speaking skills in order for improvement. Maybe in my stubborn subconsciousness I did not believe my problem with public speaking was caused by lack of any knowledge or skills. Instead, I had thought it was the mere psychological side of me that prevented me from becoming a more successful speaker. I believed I was just not confident enough and this assumption was ascertained again and again as I observed more and more very confident public speakers. Some of them appeared so naturally at the stage that they made me believe that speaking must be associated with some natural language and mental ability.


Because of my job, more and more times I have to face the fear of standing up and speaking in front a group of people, sometimes the size of the congregation is pretty big and intimating indeed. Gradually, I realize I have to tackle this problem directly if I want to perform well at my job. It would be funny if I couldn’t do my job well just because I am afraid of public speaking.


In this summer, a ten-day hotel quarantine following my trip from overseas lent me a time window in which I could look at things that I wanted to do but I could not find time to do before. This book written by Dale Carnegie appeared on the top of search results when I tried to find something to read to improve my public speaking skills on the internet.


Because of the big name of Dale Carnegie, I didn’t hesitate to dig in the book as soon as I found it. The title of the book also looked really appealing to me because I figured self-confidence was the psychological state that I craved to have when I had to stand up and speak. To influence people should be desirable result of a talk otherwise what the point would be to speak to others. In retrospect, many times I did desperately want to influence students, teachers, or parents, yet I wasn’t sure anyone was touched by what and how I said. In short, just judged from the book title, it seemed to be the one that I needed.


“Is there the faintest shadow of a reason why you should not be able to think as well as in a perpendicular position before an audience…? Surely, you know there is not.” This simple yet powerful statement at the beginning of the book touched a chord in my heart, I realize the book, which was originally published almost one hundred years ago, would offer me a lot.


Before I highlight some key learning of me after I read the book, I want to say a few words about the general impression of the book. It is absolutely beautifully written and excellent English language is used consistently throughout the book. At times, I found myself enjoy reading the language so much so that the suggestions delivered by the language became more convincing to me. The book tells many stories in relation to public speaking and the use of language, some of the stories came from the trainees of the speaking workshop that the author instructed, while some others were of famous public figures such as Abraham Lincoln. Just like the suggestion the author gives to the readers of the book, he “only make(s) only a few points and to illustrate them with human interest stories” (p. 198).


There are many practical suggestions in the book and the author kindly summarizes them by the end of each chapter. A reader might want to just jump to the summaries and hope to learn these practical suggestions more quickly, but I would recommend him not to take this short cut because he will lose the joy of reading the book and possibly will not make meaningful connections with these suggestions without all the interesting stories being processed in his mind.


By no means could I duplicate what Dale Carnegie said in the book. It is equally impossible for you to read my small reflection and then grasp the knowledge and skills of public speaking. You will have to read the actual book and practice deliberately following the author’s suggestions if you really want to improve.


I am going to just provide a sample of the summaries that you can find in the book so you will have a sense what you will discover if you dig into it. For example, by the end of Chapter Two: Self-confidence through preparation, the author listed the following,

1. When a speaker has a real message in his head and heart…a well-prepared speech is already nine-tenths delivered.

2. Real preparation consists in digging something out of yourself, in assembling and arranging your own thoughts, in cherishing and nurturing your own convictions. (Mr. Jackson’s story is used here.)

3. Do not sit down and try to manufacture a speech in thirty minutes…A speech must grow…That was Lincoln’s method. It has been the method of almost all successful speakers. (Lincoln’s story is used here.)

4. After you have done a bit of independent thinking,…do some reading on your topic…

5. Collect far more material than you intend to use…Assemble a hundred thoughts; discard ninety. (Luther Burbank’s story is used here.)

6. The way to develop reserve power is to know far more than you can use, to have a full reservoir of information. (Arthur Dunn’s story is used here.)

14 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn

©2020 by Xuefeng Huang. Proudly created with Wix.com

bottom of page